One of the hardest things for me has been the ability to carry on unbothered when somebody has hurt me. I’m not a tough person. I cannot think of too many things in this world that’s more hurtful than realizing that either a close friend or a family member truly hates and despises you without reason to because you’ve never wronged them or ever disrespected them, you’ve actually made every effort to be kind and loving to them, but they just hate you and constantly are whispering behind your back inventing all kinds of evil things about you. I realized that some people have an insatiable appetite for gossip, for bad report, their minds are bad. I realize this in people the minute I see that you can actually dispel a rumor they heard by telling them the truth yet they still would believe the lie even if the very source of the rumour were to tell them it isn’t true. It’s like their heart is so set against you that really nothing you can say or do will change their mind, like they actually love hating you and they’ve grown so accustomed to it that you actually being the opposite of the you they created in their mind is a disappointment and an inconvenience when it comes to them finding pleasure in hearing of your downfall or something bad in your life. What makes a person so terrible, so unrelentingly vicious? I do not know. They turn their ears away from hearing any good thing about you but their ears grow when they hear anything that is terrible about you even though what they’re hearing is false.
It is hurtful to know that your absolute biggest enemies are of your own family or is a close friend. It’s easy to be unbothered when a stranger has nothing good to say about you, but for it to be somebody you counted as a friend, even a brother or sister, people in your own family, it is heartbreaking. For people to hurt you who you really should be able to be at ease around and feel joyful around and be at peace around because they’re family, it is so very heartbreaking, especially in times of trouble they should be the people you can count on because they’re supposed to be that personal defence team you’re born into. I have had tons of moments where the enemy has used people to wear me down, to tempt me to sin, to make me give up on this walk, to really crush my spirit, and to make me even despair of this life and living all together. I’ve had moments when I thought I have nobody in the world, I am truly alone.
I try to not let certain unfavourable circumstances that arise in my life like these and other trials I face to shape my character, but sometimes it’s so hard. More often people become a product of their environment or the end product of a life wrought by seemingly insurmountable hardships and bad breaks. When you’re surrounded by uncaring, unloving, selfish people, it can develop a self preserving type of mentality where you feel you have nobody but you in this world, it can make you selfish also. It can make you very bitter, very cold, very distant, very introverted, kind of all in your head, anti-social, content with being a recluse, or you become a person who goes around trying to uplift yourself by repeating popular worldly worthless cliché affirmations to yourself daily in order to make it through the day.
For me my faith in God and having His word hidden in my heart has gotten me through and out of the toughest moments and it helped me to see the proverbial silver lining in the greyest clouds even during some of the most trying times on my faith. During these times, or more so after I have cried and cried my eyes out tell the whites of my eyes are bloodshot red and my head aches, I call to mind scripture that talks about how our faith is much more precious than gold which is tried by fire, (1 Peter 1:6-7). I call to mind scripture that tells us that tribulations produce perseverance and perserverance character and character hope and hope doesn’t disappoint because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which He has given to us. (1 Peter 1:6-7).
I’ve realized that I mustn’t allow the enemy to win. The enemy wins the minute we lose hope, the minute we lose faith, the minute we cast away our confidence in God and begin to feel we’re alone and there is no deliverance from whatever trial we’re facing. The enemy especially wins the minute we develop hate in our hearts and unforgiveness towards those who have wronged us. We’re taught to turn the other cheek, but it is a difficult thing to do sometimes, especially when the hurt is so very deep, but we must do it, and God will help us to if we rely on Him and not on our own strength, this pleases God and it delivers us from becoming a jaded, bitter, hateful person who the enemy has overcome. It is written, “Do not be overcome with evil but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21. And it is written “The God of peace will soon crush satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.” Romans 16:20. I hope this encourages somebody to not lose faith and to persevere. “The Lord of Host is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.” Psalm 46:7 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9